#MeToo: Where do I Start?

In the last few days, following the Harvey Weinstein accusations, women from across the globe have been participating in the #MeToo movement. Most participants just posted the hashtag to signify that had experienced a form of sexual harassment during their time on Earth. Others shared stories, criticized Harvey Weinstein, or offered words of support for the movement. 

While glancing through the various posts, I noticed that a friend of mine had made the statement that “Instead of saying me too, we need say who did it. Call them out..”

This got me thinking…where do I start?

I suppose chronologically would be the best way to handle this. My first case of sexual harassment was outright molestation. When I was 6 or 7, my Mother had our next door neighbors Ed and Vernbabysit me occasionally. Ed, an older man who smelled of booze and cigars, would come to our place and stay with me until Mom came home. He would have me go in the bathroom with him while he went, and then he would wash his penis in the sink. He eventually moved on to sticking his fingers in me. I vividly remember being in their house talking to Vern, and havinging Ed come up behind me and stick his hand down my pants. When I turned around he held his finger up to his mouth to tell me to be quiet about it. I mentioned to my Mother that Ed washed his “pee pee” in the sink. She was mortified that he was using the restroom in front of me and the babysitting stopped. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I told her the rest. I remember being too embarrassed to tell her as a child. Like I had done something wrong.

That was the first time, but certainly not the last. 

In junior high, a boy and I were wrestling around at a friends house, and he managed to get his hand in my pants and dug in. I struggled and eventually got him off of me. Afterward, I told me “not to tell anyone!” I told no one. Again, I was embarrassed.

When I was 15, I got a job at a restaurant. I can’t even tell you how many times I was locked in the walk-in cooler with the newest non-English speaking dishwasher with the lights turned off. I wore boxer shorts under my skirt, because it was a wrap around skirt with the buttons in the back, and male coworkers would randomly unbutton it to grab a look. There was an ongoing joke, that if you broke a dish, you had to give the owner a blowjob. All in good fun, right?

When I was 17, I took a job working for a 60ish year old man in his office. He told pervy jokes, made pervy comments. The one joke I remember was when he bet me a dollar that he could touch my boob without touching my shirt. He grabbed my boob and handed me the dollar. 

I’m not going to count anything from 18 to 28, because those where the slutty years. I had some Daddy issues I had to work through, and I was drunk most of the time. I do remember going to see a guy I REALLY liked one night, and having him feed me some GHB and trying to get me to let his friend in on the action. That wasn’t great.

When I was 28, I was bartending alone one night. It was later in the evening, and there was only one guy in the bar. He apparently saw this as an opportunity to try to live out a “Penthouse Forum” moment and pulled a “Trump” on me. Coming behind the bar and trying to kiss me. I had to, carefully because I had no back up, calmly negotiate my way out of it.  Thankfully, he left. 

I’m sure that if I tried really hard, I could come up with an endless list of examples of sexual harassment I have endured in my 47 years…but that’s not what we are taught to do. We aren’t taught to dwell on it, or keep tabs. We are taught that’s just the way it is. Laugh it off. Don’t dress so provocatively (whether you are or not), because you are just asking for it.

To answer your question, friend, most girls could probably write a book about the sexual harassment they have encountered in their lives. They could call out every incident and every predator. But they won’t. Even if they managed to break away from the embarrassment and shame. Even if they decide not to laugh it off. They won’t.   They won’t do it because the world we live in allows it to happen. Instead of shifting the shame to those who deserve it, it will result in a brave woman being sued for it. The victim always ends up having to prove her innocence. After all, she was asking for it, right?

*Brave*